theMIRRORBLUENIGHT

Cruz - Monologue

2008-11-13T06:52:11Z

So, this may suck like woah, cause I typed it on my cell phone at 1230 at night in one fowl swoop, no editing or nothing. The result hopefully has the effect I was looking for...

You told me I needed help. You looked at me as if I terrified you and told me that I was crazy. But I didn't hear you. I heard about what happened when all of my... all the people were announced. Who I'd... killed. I heard about all these families calling for my death, calling for justice. I didn't hear them. I guess neither did the judge, he put me in jail. Like something would change before I died. Like I would turn out normal somehow. I wasn't sent here as punishment. I was sent here to be fixed. Because... they said I needed help.

Yesterday, a reporter came to my cell. There was a guard sitting in on our interview. She asked me why I do what I do, and I told her. To save them all from pain. The reporter thanked me and left. She came back this morning with a guest, she introduced her as Mrs. Hanover. When I said I'd never heard the name in my life, this woman began sobbing. Then she told me I killed her son. He'd been engaged the night before to a high school sweetheart. I didn't listen, because she didn't understand the pain I'd saved him from.

That's when i saw it. She looked up at me and I... I knew what was in those eyes. I knew what they showed. Torture. No, agony, endless and constant. Suddenly I could see this boy's funeral; a young girl with her heart broken... a little boy crying because he didn't have a big brother anymore.

What did I care though?! I can't save everyone, I wish I could. But then I saw you, Dom. I saw how much your heart had broken, all because of me. And I'd do anything to keep you from that pain. And I realized how much I would do to get rid of pain. I hate it. It's what makes life hell.

And i made it. I lived it. All this time, all i was doing was breaking hearts and souls in the palm of my hand, all in the name of salvation. I. Killed. Those people. Each of them had a mother... a lover, a sister, a child, a friend... Any pain I saved, i created in ten fold.

Everything I believe in is nothing. It's shambles. So what the fuck do I do? Do i run away from this existance, and take my own life? But no... for all the souls I have made cry, what waits for me is not paradise...

My life is a tool of evil. And i let it happen for the sake of hope. Hope for a world without pain. But there's no such thing. No such thing as a world without pain.

Hooray for GRL!

2008-09-14T05:29:46Z

Γ Ρ Λ
(gamma rho lambda)

...yeah, i'm really having fun with my sorority :D We went to a thing where we were supposed to learn how to be good Greeks, and the keynote speaker pissed us off so much we left early and went to get lunch instead. Here's some of my favorite points he made:
IF you've never been to a jewish wedding, you should go. We were all dancing in a circle with linked elbows, and this 82 year old woman flew off and broke her arm. ITs just like greek life: one person ruins it for everyone.
Frat boys are the most homophobic people ever, and yet when one of them's drunk, they strip him and write on his ass with sharpie. (didn't address homophobia in greek life... just made jokes about it)
Who does hazing? Greeks, athletics, and rotc-type things. I guess the ROTC people can do what they want, they have different rules, they're being trained to just kill people.
At my recruitment for my frat, there were these two SKANKS in the hot tub. So boys: enjoy recruitment.

Yeah. there were a ton more. in general he tried to tell us to 'break greek stereotypes', and all he did was propagate them more. ESPECIALLY drinking. I mean, he talked about his 'Five Favorite Kinds of Drunks' and proceded to name 'the drunk who cries for no reason', 'the drunk who thinks they're amazing at dancing', etc. And he said that he didn't care if we drank or not, but remember there's a law that says we can't, so just kinda be careful about it and don't get drunk.

Sooo... GRL ditched that shit. And our president is totally going to write a formal complaint, because apparently this keynote speaker keeps coming back, like, every year. And we're gonna have tons of fun this year being crazy shakers and getting really annoying rules that are harmful not only to progressive greek life but to all multi-cultural organizations. So we're gonna rock.

Basically.

In other news, I'm the assistant stage manager for the musical! oh boy! XD

Gamma Rho Lambda!

2008-09-02T17:32:02Z

I'm joining a progressive women's sorority. It's going to be sooo awesome! Apparently the Progressive Alliance (KSU's queer/straight alliance) fell apart because of poor management or something, so this is my community of accepting, loving, lesbian/bi/trans people (also open to those who are straight or questioning!) I get to hang out with! And we get to do mixers with Delta Lambda Phi, the progressive men's fraternity. It's definately going to rock; we're the very first chapter to ever be on K-State. I'm going to be one of the ORIGINAL members of our chapter! How cool is that?! I cannot wait until we're official: the fun stuff happens this weekend when we go completely official, joining the K-State official greek system, joining GRL's national society... it's so exciting! Plus everybody I've met so far is sooo nice. Chelsey (the pres) has been emailing me since my first meeting on Sunday.

Is it symbolic I went to this meeting instead of going to church? ...yeah.

My mom is still acting like it isn't obvious... I told her that our sunday school lesson was on the Nativity... in the middle of summer. And she just went 'Okay.' and changed the subject. I really really would almost preffer she approach me about it and say 'Kelsey, are you bi/lesbian/whatever she wants to say?' Instead of me wondering when the hell I'll ever be able to tell her.

In other news, Gossip Girl premier was amazing. Hence the userpic. XD

THE NEW Marie Cousteau

2008-08-10T18:20:09Z

I like this girl better. ...you can tell I'm still in the very early stages with this girl. I've found a little girl Marie, and then a preteen Marie.

Preteen: http://newfaces.com/hannahinmd

Little girl: http://newfaces.com/iamkyleigh

I think they look like they could be the same girl, especially in their main profile pics: they look like they're smiling the same way.

So, maybe now that I found a girl I think looks more realistic and less like a perfect model girl, maybe I can finally figure out things, like... personality. XD

GarageBand Fun!

2008-08-06T22:36:56Z

So, I made an awesome techno song using Garage Band! I think I may have shown it to a few people already, but if you wanna listen, it's here on SendSpace:

http://www.sendspace.com/file/900d3m

I titled it Hola Nightshine cause I didn't know what else to call it. Hola came from In the Heights obsession. XD

New Haircut!

2008-07-31T19:22:30Z

Hooray! I got a haircut! It basically rocks my socks off, cause it's back to the length I had a year ago when I took my senior pictures (see userpic). Enjoy the bad pictures taken with my cell phone.

Unfortunately, my hair was all flipping to the right, so it looks weird... like, one side flipped out, one side flipped under. That's just cause it's humid and my hair won't hold any style.

So yeah... I like it shorter, cause I was tired of so much WEIGHT on top of my head. XD I might be getting a better picture soon if my parents take lots of pictures while we're in Branson this weekend. So be prepared!

Marie Cousteau

2008-07-29T16:43:10Z

This is little miss Marie, right around thirteen years old here. I hope you all think she's as pretty as I do. Omg so pretty.

http://www.minxmodels.com/kmodels/alexandriab/alexandriab.html

So, Jean's daughter is slowly (very slowly) forming in my head. I have very little figured out about her. But I'm working on it.

kellygyneth @ 2008-07-25T16:47:00

2008-07-25T21:52:25Z

Let it be known that if I cannot go in January to see Laura because my parents think it's a necessity to go to disney world over christmas break (since they cancelled the one we were supposed to leave for in two days) and because I need my wisdom teeth out, I will not go to Disney World with my family.

I'm not waiting one day longer than i need to.

And now if it rains tonight and tomorrow night, neither of my parents will have seen my show.

What the fuck. i hate my life. beyond comprehension.

:)

2008-07-23T03:55:06Z

I'm not gonna lie... I was so busy today, mostly hanging out with Rebecca, that it took be until I only had fifteen minutes left of the day to make up for my forgetfulness. And to think that I'd been thinking of nothing else for days and days.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY, LOVE!

Whee, pretty random picture. And it's shiny. ^^

I love you, my angel. -kisses- Oh, and about your present... I'm gonna postpone on it for a bit, cause I... -cough- need to see if you buy something first, cause if you buy something, i wanna get you something different. -was that cryptic enough?-

My new glasses!

2008-07-13T22:58:20Z

So, I'm going back to glasses! Hooray! No more contacts that dry up my eyes and fall out and make my eyes hurt... and apparently I look older when I wear them!

You can tell the color of my glasses easier in this one if you look at the bridge over the nose. ^^ But you can't really see the cool design on the top half of the frame...

Just another picture. ^^

-thinks of History Boys- My glasses are the last thing I take off... ;)

Writer's Block: Where your memories began.

2008-07-01T03:40:13Z

What is your earliest memory of your life?

View 501 Answers

I remember when I was three I went with my mom and dad to visit my mom's parents who at the time lived in Puerto Rico (Papa was an air-space traffic controller, so the government moved him all over). I remember playing on the beach, and I remember watching Aladdin and pretending the living room rug was my magic carpet.

Il'ya Ficlettes

2008-06-13T05:48:14Z

So I wrote three little ficlettes for my new character, Il'ya Cazanovsky. If you know who he is, enjoy. If not, consider yourself introduced. The first prompt's from Laura, seconds from Mel, and third is from Megsie.

'Split Personalities'

Il'ya was humming the lyrics to the song they were working on, albeit with a quiet singing voice that would never carry even a foot (he hated singing, but he loved humming). A happy smile was tweaking up the corners of his mouth, half-strumming his bass along with his humming as Viky (or 'Caz') and Milo talked about the lyrics Il'ya's brother had written.

"What was it again? C, E, F-sharp...A?"

Il'ya looked up from picking his nails to bark up at Tegan who had asked the question, "Yeah, A!" He had a massive smile on his face, proud to know the answer to his question.

Unfortunately, his thrill was short winded, as at the exact same time, Milo shook his head and said, "No, G," and since Milo composed this bit, he was right. Il'ya's brow furrowed almost instantly, turning to look at Milo at the keyboard behind him in irritation, at which Milo just shrugged. "It's G, Il'ya! Sorry!"

With an angry huff, Il'ya made a messy strum, a muffled and very irritated dissonant chord out of his massive amp echoing for a second before silencing itself. "Fine," he muttered, mumbling more under his breath.

When they finally started playing it and got to the chorus, they started the chord progression: C, E, and F-sharp were fine, but then everyone except Il'ya played the G, while Il'ya angrilly strummed an A.

Milo cut the song immediately. "Il'ya, it's G, remember?"

Il'ya scoffed, sitting on the corner of his amp and beginning to pick at his nails again. "I'm bored," he whined. "I hate Oregon." Angrilly tapping his toe, Il'ya stared at his dirty nails, no longer enjoying this rehearsal.

The rest of the band exchanged a quick look before Dia went over to Il'ya with her violin in toe. "Hey... ice cream after rehearsal?"

Like a light switch, Il'ya's face lit up, standing up and adjusting the shoulder strap on his amp. "Yeah! Come on, let's go!" After playing the chord progression correctly, Il'ya did a little spin around, flashing an almost mindless smile at Milo in the process, careless and brain already well moved on to the really important matters in life: vanillia or strawberry??

'Rose'

Her name was Rose. She led him by the hand into the room at somebody's house, somewhere upstairs... he'd had a teeny bit to drink so he had missed exactly how they got there. But there he was, impressionable fourteen-year-old who'd never even been kissed, and he was presented with what many would think was a gorgeous girl with long, black hair... she had something Asian somewhere in here family, Il'ya knew that much, but her skin was a little darker than that. Maybe she'd used tanning something.

Once Rose'd shut the door, Il'ya's goofy little smile faded as he let go of her hand. "I, uh... don't exactly know what to do. I've never done this."

The girl smiled softly, so small Il'ya thought it looked kinda fake and very... mask-like. "I'll lead you along." And with that, she slipped both arms around his neck (she was about his height) and kissed him. While the kiss didn't feel /bad/ or anything, there wasn't anything spectacular about it, and putting an arm around her waist only felt weirder so he dropped it a second after putting it there. And when she slipped her tonuge between his lips, Il'ya wanted to yank away, but he had a feeling that would 'wreck the mood'.

And what in the WORLD? How did he get on the bed? Where'd his pants go?! She took them off! He didn't want them off, he didn't want to have sex! But she wasn't stopping now... well, he might as well try it... see what it was like. It didn't have to mean much, right?

Il'ya was on his back as Rose hovered over him, head down by his stomach as she slowly lowered his underwear. Il'ya's face burned bright red as he was exposed, but it was nothing compared to how it felt when her lips encircled him. He'd heard how these felt really good... but all he could think about was how bad it must taste, and how weird it was that her mouth was in the same place where he... you know, used the little boys room, and how disconcerting it was feeling these kinds of things he'd only had by himself, the physical sensations, with her watching. It wasn't just unsettling. Il'ya was downright /hating/ getting a blow job!!!

He'd thought when she straddled him above her it might get better, but it only got worse! That was when she started touching him, running her hands over his body and making his insides twist in an extremely unpleasant way, and bouncing up and down on top of him, and realy those boobs bouncing was NOT that attractive, and he was having an /orgasm/ and oh my god this was horrible!

Il'ya must have stayed in that bed for an hour after Rose was gone, asking himself what was wrong with him. Was he just not into it enough? Was it just bad sex? No, she seemed to like it plenty... Maybe there was something wrong with him. There had to be. Or he'd done something wrong. Maybe he needed to jerk off more. Maybe he was gay...? Maybe he was one of those tran-what-somethings. I mean, it would explain why he liked playing dress up still.

By the time he got home, his head was spinning, and even his brother couldn't get Il'ya to tell him where he'd been the whole party.

'Drag'

It was absolutely drop dead Class-A amazing. Il'ya was staring at his reflection in the full length mirror in his mother's closet wearing a navy blue dress of hers, observing every little detail.

The rouching along the waist made him look like he had a littler one, which he really liked for some reason. The neckline was high, so there was no cleavage he had to support. It had a really low swooping back that he only saw if he twisted around to look at it. The skirt was long and straight and hit his legs, which Il'ya appreciated for some reason.

The boy was about to go into the back of the closet and search for a pair of shoes that would match, when he heard his parents bedroom door open. He turned around to see his mother open the closet door, watching simply as she froze and stared at her son wearing her dress.

Il'ya only smiled.

Il'ya wasn't allowed to go into his mom's closet anymore, and his dad bought him a football jersey.

Summer!

2008-06-13T00:47:25Z

So, this is my summer icon! :D

I have two jobs-ish: one doing clerk stuffs for my dad at the shop (he sells metal roofing and siding), and one as a teaching assistant doing various duties at summer school at Barstow. The stuff I've done for my dad's been pretty mindless stuff so far, so sometimes I like that better, but this week at summer school I've been helping with the after care (which is after summer school ends and is basically babysitting all the kids whose parents still have work), and that's been fun, so.

I'm also in a show in an outdoor theatre at the park down the street. Ensemble of Annie Get Your Gun, member of the teen chorus which has eight members (and two other teens that are leads but we do all our songs with them). The ten of us are getting so close knit, we were throwing rocks at each other, telling eachother stories about our sex life (or nonexistant one)... I stole one of the guy's hats and sat on it and he climbed on top of me to try and get it from me. XD

kellygyneth @ 2008-06-02T10:01:00

2008-06-02T16:17:57Z

So, I haven't posted in my LJ for four weeks according to my thingy. This is because I was doing more important things, like graduating from high school and all. But now, I HAVE to make a post, so I never ever forget last night: PANIC AT THE DISCO CONCERT!!!

The 'evening' started at 4:30, when I picked up Becca at her house. Then we went and picked up Maho, Becca's Japanese exchange student friend who is leaving in a week, because Becca wanted to leave Maho with something really cool to remember America by. (Friday we took her to Oceans of Fun cause apparently they don't have water parks in Japan and the swimming pools are constantly cramped.) Then, we went to IHOP to eat, because after much deliberation of 'if we were Panic, where would we eat', we decided they would go to IHOP at three in the morning. So we ate at IHOP and were done by 5:30!

And the we drove half an hour down there (my Garmin didn't make me get lost! Yay!), only to find there were people who had gotten there, like at four to start the line. So, we go waaay to the back of the line (it was, like, three blocks long), and I'm freaking because I'm sitting there thinking we're not gonna get to see the band AT ALL cause we'll be stuck in the back of the theatre. We go on in, and the closest we can get is on the absolute far right edge, up against this bike rack-esque crowd barrier.

So. We watched Phantom Planet from there, kinda sorta able to see through the heads of different folks, and they were pretty fun. I bet if I got their album and listened more I'd love it, sooo I probably will. The last song they played was their famous O.C. theme song, but to make us happy and the end of the song he changed the lyric to 'Kansas City, Kansas cityyy, here we cooome!!!' and then he said 'is this funny or stupid?!' and everybody screamed and he went '...well good!' and kept doing it XD It was a fun opener.

Then! Hush Sound! It was about halfway through this concert Maho discovered we could perch ourselves on top of the bike barrier thingy and see RIGHT OVER everyone's heads!!! So I got a great view of everyone in the band. :D They were definately my favorite of the opening bands. Tons and tons of fun. Theirs will be the next album I buy off of iTunes. The girl who sang was Awesome, kinda loved the girl power emanating, cause she was the only girl on stage the entire night.

And then Motion City Soundtrack. Their fans were kinda crazy, shoving and everything to get closer. and they kept shaing the bike rack thing, so I just stood and listened behind two freakishly tall people who wouldn't move. I got a few glances at 'hair boy' (god, that hair style drove me CRAZY. In a bad way), and the lead singer. They were an okay band, they just dragged their act on for eternity. It was like, 'this is the band that never ends! Yes it goes on and on my friends!' (becca made up more lyrics while we were waiting for them to finish, but I forget them.) And then when they were done we tried to push our way through to the front, and got maybe... oh, five feet. XD Gave up, went back to our perch... and I'm sooo glad we did.

Ohhh my god. These boys could charge me a hundred fifty for the ticket and I would have paid it, and it would have been worth every penny. Of course, the theatre had heated up so much by the time Panic got on, everyone, including the band, was sweating. Obviously they played flawlessly, but my favorite part of the concert was everything that happened between the songs...

(After playing We're So Starving/Nine in the Afternoon)
Bren: Hello Kansas City! -cheeeeers!!!-
Ryan: Dude, it's really hot in here...

(After the next song they played, I think it was But It's Better If You Do)
Jon: So, it's so hot in here, and you're all so awesome to come and see us and sweat like dogs... you're all invited to a pool party at my house after the concert.
-cheeeers!-
Ry and Bren: -laughing-

(Later that night, before playing I Write Sins Not Tragedies)
Ryan: ...So... I think it's time for an unknown song now...

Brendon: It's so hot up here... Is it hot up there? -points to balcony, all in balcony scream- Well... I bet it's hotter down here. -people on floor scream louder- told you!

-again before singing I Write Sins Not Tragedies-
Jon: So, you know what I was saying about swimming before? -cheers-
Ry: -interrupts- Well... this is a song... about... swimming the laps of life! -a few random cheers- no, i don't get it either.

(Before Folkin Around -this was a long exchange, so I may not be exactly right-)
Ry: I get to play the tambourine in this song. -cheers-
Jon: How has that been going? The tambourine?
Ry: I've been practicing. It's been going good.
Jon: You know, people underestimate the power of the tambourine.
Ry: Yeah, not only do they underestimate the /power/... they underestimate the difficulty
Bren: -tries to say something-
Jon: -beats him to it- Hence the practicing.
Ry: So... you guys'll need to lemme know how I do. -starts playing the tambourine-
Bren: -tries to speak again and ends up just cracking up, and the band has to wait about ten seconds for him to get a grip-

(Before Camisado)
Ry: So... this is a dance beat of sorts. So... you know, since you're already sweating, just dance around... jump around, take your shoes off...
Bren: ... take your clothes off! YEAH!

(During I Write Sins Not Tragedies, after the crowd scream 'the poor groomsbride is a WHORE!')
Bren: Yeeeah! -keeps singing-

Many moments in the show where Brendon riffed and used a godly falsetto he should show off more often, cause it was the most gorgeous noise I've ever heard a man make.

(Before Behind the Sea)
Ry: -to the staff member spraying the audience with the misting hose to keep them from getting dehydrated- Thank you, I was about to ask you to do that!
Bren: Well, in the next number... we're gonna blow bubbles. -cheeers!- so it's gonna get really messy!!! -excited about that-

(Before Folkin Around, before the whole tambourine exchange, Ryan switches sides with Jon)
Ryan: -to our side of the audience- Hi. I'm Ryan. -screeeams!- thought I'd introduce myself, since we don't get to see each other much. Thought this would be a good time to come meet you guys.

And, my favorite part: at the end of Behind the Sea, after the whole whooooOOOAAAH! thing, Brendon definately made an extremely high pitched orgasm moan into the microphone that made every girl in the audience scream like crazy. I wish I'd gotten a picture of his face.

Overall, it was the funnest thing ever.

Weekend of pwnage.

2008-05-05T13:37:35Z

For once I actually had a good weekend!

Lesse. Friday afternoon after school, I assembled and addressed all of my graduation announcements with my mom. She ended up finishing them on Saturday, cause all we didn't do was get stamps and address a few envelopes she didn't have the address for. So, all my friends from school, people from church, and other family friends should be getting invitations to my open house next Saturday, and some of those people will also get an announcement.

Then, Friday night, it was Dungeons and Dragons night! Most of the people still don't really know me, but what the hell. I've got Becca and Hannah there, so I'm good. XD Though I did kinda bond with this guy, Ben (totally just realized he shares my brother's name... not awkward), and Connor (Hannah's boyfriend) already thinks I'm annoying. Fun stuffs. XD My elf character learned a new language and killed a skeleton... and almost fell into a pit of spikes!!!

Then, Saturday I went out to Worlds of Fun with Becca and Hannah! It was super amazing fun, cause we all got to ride all the fun rides. I took pictures, but since I'm planning to get a new laptop soon I haven't downloaded the software I need to upload the pics. Sorry, folks. XD The reason we were there was so Becca could compete in a band competition, and they kinda pwned at their songs. She had a clarinet solo! booyah. And riding the Patriot in the front row? Aaaaaahmazing!

Sunday (which was yesterday) involved watching a total of nine Gossip Girl episodes, one after another, and pretending to write a paper for english that I wrote at the start of today in mere minutes anyways. So yeah, my obsession with Gossip Girl is cemented. :D

Writer's Block: Fictional Character

2008-05-05T13:24:57Z

What fictional character do you relate to most and why?

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Anyone who I consider even remotely a friend knows this already. I am Mark from RENT.

He has many insecurities about not having support of friends. He tends to focus more on artistic involvement than on reaching out to people and things that matter most. He really only feels like himself and becomes more outgoing with the help and coersion of his (cooler) friends. He gets attatched romantically to a person (for me, people) that don't feel the same towards him (not saying I'm in this right now, but it's happened before). He tends to be pretty sarcastic, also, especially if he's in a bad mood, but he always puts his own friends before him, even if it means him getting hurt in the process.

Deep down, I've always related to him, even if you can't tell on the outside.

On another note, another part of me deepy connects with Dan Humphrey from Gossip Girl. Being the odd ball in a school of the affluent and rich? Sooo been there, Dan.

Writer's Block: Hell Hath No Fury

2008-05-02T17:50:36Z

Who was the last person who really made you mad?

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Heh... REALLY made me mad? Like, something of consequence? It was probably this one chick who's recently joined our group as of late. She's been annoying me to no end. And the worst thing is the bitch keeps treating me like we're friends, and I'm just irritated with her. >< Every time I see her talk, she's gossiping. And it's been REALLY pushing my buttons. Especially since she's rubbing off on Weston. He's already enough of a drama queen, he doesn't need her feeding his fire.

Omg Gossip Girl!!!!

2008-05-01T18:18:44Z

So I've only had time to watch the first two episodes, but OMG I LOVE IT!

My realizations only two episodes into the series:

+ Serena and Dan are going to have many adorable moments of perfection. Serena is so awesome. And Dan is an amazing big brother, because omg he rocks.

+ My most common shout at the computer screen: "NU JENNY NU!" As in "NU JENNY, DON'T KISS THE BAD BOY! Oh wait, he's stopped! He's pulling out - CHAMPAGNE?! NU JENNY NU!" And then when she's with Blair in her room: "NU JENNY NU! SHE'S AN ICKY PERSON!"

+ At this point Nate is not a character in my mind, just the center of the group, cause he's Serena's fling, Blair's bf, and Chuck's friend.

+ Blair is such an icky bitch, but she's SUCH an icky bitch you love her for it. She and Chuck could have evil babies.

+ AND CHUCK! DEAR GOD! HE IS MY ABSOLUTE FAVORITE! Because, obviously, HE'S MY JEAN IN UPPER EAST MANHATTAN. Omg, everything he's done so far has been so Jean! And I LOVE HIM!!! He's the biggest asshole, the most awful badboy, the most promiscuous slut... IT'S MY BOY! -points at icon!- I just MIGHT have to change Ed Westwick back into my model for Jean. XXXDDD sorry lulu!

So, yeah, I'm probably gonna watch at least two more episodes today when i get home. Cept I have a choir concert and voice lesson. ...fuck.

Writer's Block: Personality Trait = Trouble

2008-05-01T13:35:35Z

What personality trait has gotten you in the most trouble?

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MY LOUD VOICE.

Okay, it's not always a bad thing. When I want to be heard, as in physically heard over a loud crowd, I NEVER have a problem with doing that. I can project my voice in an echoey auditorium and still have my grandpa with two hearing aids say after every performance that he could always understand every word I said. If I get pissed, everybody within a hundred feet probably knows.

But say I'm supposed to be whispering something to my friend reguarding a secret they told me. Say I'm in a quiet library and somebody just told me a funny joke. I don't just stop at the abnoxious laugh, I just BLAB, and I don't notice I'm doing it until somebody looks at me and says 'yo... you don't need to shout.' Say I'm in a restaurant with my friends, and I have a slightly 'dirty' comment/joke to make reguarding my friend's method of eating her spaghetti. Everybody hears it.

It gets so embarrassing, and I know it's technically not a part of my personality that I have a naturally loud timbur to my voice. But it's gotten me in more trouble than anything.

Pissed. Off.

2008-04-28T13:53:49Z

I got excluded from the senior prank, and I'm royally pissed about it. Nobody told me it was today. I even had people who told me it was going to be thursday. Okay, you can say that 'it was probably an honest mistake', but, I mean, even if they honestly forgot me, I'm still pissed. I've been at this school since seventh grade, and they just forget me like I don't exist?!?! Sorry, i just find that hard to believe.

So yeah, I'm in an extremely bad mood now. So I'm sorry to all of my friends if after school today I act extremely weird. This is the reason why.

Writer's Block: Ghost Story

2008-04-28T13:52:07Z

Do you believe in ghosts? If so, have you ever seen one?

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So totally copying lulu and doing these Writer's Blocks. Next to Normal seems to be a fitting icon, what with all the ghosts.

I think I believe in ghosts... sorta. Well, lemme explain. Those television shows, like Ghost Hunters, where they search out ghosts and such and they explore the houses at night with their night cameras and a stair creaks and they freak out all OMG I'M GONNA DAI and they go back to their lab thingy and examine the creak and are all 'omg there's definately a ghost!!!'... yeah. I watch those to laugh. I don't believe in ghosts in that sense.

I think part of me that's been raised Mormon believes too much in spirits going to heaven to really believe in spirits staying here for long. I mean, I was always taught that when you die, you go to the next life, where we wait until Jesus' second coming, and then we're all judged, and then we're sorted into heaven or hell. So it's tough to believe in ghosts when something so concrete like that has been cemented in your head for as long as you've been breathing.

It might be possible for ghosts to be here, spirits of people who have 'unfinished business' a la Casper. But I have no reason to believe in them, so I'm pretty skeptical.

This is my I <3 PATD post.

2008-04-27T21:46:15Z

So, I love Panic at the Disco! (Yes, I am totally comfortable not using the exclamation point, cause I think it's a sign of their maturity XD wait, what, patd mature?!)

I'm mildly in love with this band, especially since it's highly likely I'll be going to their concert the first of june. ^^ x 1000. I always loved their first album, but Pretty. Odd. is just as amazing. They've taken on a slightly more... quirky feel, but it feels so natural coming from them, with the same witty, mildly slap-in-the-face sharp lyrics, and the amazing vocals from Brendon (and now Ryan!).

I literally had a heart attack when I realized that Brendon Urie is only three years older than me... and he was raised mormon JUST LIKE ME!!! omg soulmates. -celebrity crush cemented- XD

I really hope I get to see them, cause it would be so freaking awesome. Cause, being a broadway freak (as you know), my opportunities to meet celebrities I adore is always almost impossible, since they're usually a thousand miles away. So, actually being a fan of a real band for a change is a nice spin on things, cause I MIGHT ACTUALLY GET TO SEE THEM!!!holyfuck.

So, yeah. Hope you enjoyed my fangirling.

Survey stoled from TeenTeen!

2008-04-23T18:37:12Z

CHILDHOOD WEIRDNESS
Did you spend your childhood time with mostly real or imaginary friends?
Imaginary. I was very serious about my friend Casper. I had a few real friends, but I trusted Casper more.

Did people consider you an odd child?
The boys in my class gave me my own disease when I was in fourth grade. It was called Kelsey-itis, and I spread it by touching somebody.

Do you have memories that go back to when you were only a few months old?
Not really. I have a rare few from before my brother was born (before four)

Do you remember any thoughts you had when you where very young?
I thought a lot about how I wanted to be in Disney movies. And I wanted to be a movie star.

Were they intricate or simple thoughts?
Probably pretty simplistic. I was such a naive, simple-minded kid.

If you answered "intricate", give an example of one of those thoughts:
I had crazy dreams. XXDD

Were you dreams very vivid as a child?
heh... totally answered the last question before seeing this. XXDD;;;

What is the strangest memory you have from early childhood?
When my brother was born, my mom went into labor at 4 AM, and so when I woke up a woman from church I didn't know was there to take me to day care.

Were you a child prodigy or did you display any gifts at a young age?
In kindergarten I could read at a first grade level. By first grade I was at a fourth grade level. XXDD I was in the gifted program and everything.

What was the most "grown-up" thing you ever said as a child?
I decided one day when I was not going to wear diapers anymore, and I just got panties with my mommy and VOILA! no toilet training needed. XD

What were your favorite TV shows in early childhood?
Barney, Lambchops Playalong... uhm, Fraggle Rock reruns XXDD

Were you afraid of monsters?
Extremely.

Did you believe that fictional characters were real?
Most definately. I, like, teenteen, created scenes in my head with characters from movies, acted them out in my room, talked them out with myself... oh wait... i still do that...

Were you more quiet and artistic or loud and physical?
Artistic, loud, AND physical. XXDD

ISSUES AND USA STUFF
Do you eat meat?
Yush.

If you do, what is your justification for it?
Because... erm... i like hamburgers and hot dogs? I try and buy from companies that don't mistreat animals, though.

If you could legalize 3 things in the US, what would they be?
Gay marriage... I guess marijuana, and I dunno what the third would be...

Do you believe in the death penalty?
Life in prison, not death.

Did Mumia do it?
wha?

If you had a choice, which country would you have chosen to be born into?
I'm again with teenteen. Wish i was closer to nyc.

What are your opinions of Michael Moore?
I totally forgot michael's real name was moore until teenteen brought him up XXDD

Describe your feelings about marijuana legalization:
If smoking and drinking are legal, why isn't marijuana? double standards.

What about gay marriage?
Legalize it. Good lord, the gays aren't going to take over the world and convert your children into being gay. Look at Ellen, she's totally normal. ...for the most part... heheheh...

Red, white and blue is a ghastly color combination, right?
...-shrug- indifferent?

What television news coverage do you detest the most?
I don't really dislike any speciffic news. I get most of my news from the radio in the morning, and they're funny so it's good. XD

What will you do if Bush is re-elected?
If he could be again, I'd be rather irritated, but in all honesty, I'd just go along with my life until Bush did something speciffically to me.

Which state do you think will drop off into the ocean first?
California. They're gonna go chill with Hawaii. Alaska can go too.

SILLY QUESTIONS
Have you ever taken something apart just to see how it worked? Explain:
So not a mechanic.

Do you ever yell at the television while you are alone?
Constantly. God, when Kayne got booted from Project Runway? I was, like, livid. XD

Name a few things (if any) that you bought on Ebay recently:
My mom buys lotsa costumes on ebay when she works on school musicals.

Are the Muppets sinister? Think about it:
Muppets are amazing!!! No dissin the muppets.

Do you watch the Science Channel (Discovery) on a regular basis?
Not so much.

Ever gotten into an "in person" argument with a total stranger? Discuss:
I can't quite remember at the moment. Though i do get in arguments often.

Sugar or Honey?
Honey.

What's on your desk right now?
so much shit. I don't use my desk, it just sits in the corner of my room.

How many e-mails do you receive a day?
only a few.

Do you think that time travel is a possibility?
Maybe... I'm not sure.

Have you ever had a past life regression?
A wha?

Are you slightly addicted to online tests and surveys?
Only when I'm in history and Dr. Murtaugh is being boring.

San Francisco or New York City?
Hard to choose. Hmmm... lemme think. Gay city with no broadway, or gay city with broadway? ...yeeeah.

Are you really a famous person undercover on Live Journal?
I wish. XD

Are you really an alien spectator studying the human condition via LJ?
-laughs at teenteen-

What are your favorite color combinations?
I love greens and blues together.

Close your eyes and type the first random image that pops into your head:
...elmo. Dr. Murtaugh said something about 'the red army' and I was like 'red... ELMO!'

Do you enjoy night or day better?
Night.

Favorite animal:
SUGAR GLIDERS.XXDD

Have you ever been to a protest?
Not personally, but I've seen a few.

Aggravated a cop on purpose?
I've never even gotten a traffic violation!

Worst decision you ever made?
Letting my parents keep me at Barstow for high school. We thought about going to public school for high school, but I said no. fuck.

Ever gone train hopping/ridden the rails?
I've never even been on a train.

Best invention of this century? Worst?
The iPod. and worst? umm... definately miley cyrus. XXDD

If you could choose a time period in which to live, which would it be?
I wish I could be a hippie in the late 60s/early 70s.

Ever put your hand through a window?
...ow?

List a few words you hate the sound of:
Retarded, Autistic (when used as an insult). If you use these words as an insult, I immediately lose all respect for you.

And a few you like the sound of:
Love. Onomatopoea. XD

EMOTIONS
Have you attempted suicide more than once?
I got really close.

Cutting?
I'm terrified of the sight of blood, so no.

Do you get violent when you are angry?
Not really. I just scream like CRAZY. and then I might throw a useless object or two.

Which emotion are you most consumed by?
Curiosity.

Are you highly emotive?
Painfully so.

Do you discuss problems or keep them to yourself?
I tend to throw pity parties. I'm working on that.

Do you fall in love easily?
yea

What age/year was the most difficult for you?
6th grade.

How do you channel your anger/sadness?
I scream.

Ever been addicted to alcohol or drugs?
Never even touched either.

Ever been homeless?
Never. I've been lucky.

List a few simple things that make you happy:
The smell outside right after it rains. Here in the midwest it's so earthy and wonderful. But around oceans it's all salty and weird.

When were you most recently your happiest?
How sad is it that I have to think for a second? When I had my birthday dinner at California Pizza Kitchen and ran into Hannah from Dnd. XD

Do you consider yourself empathetic?
I'd say so.

FRIENDS
Describe your best friend as if you were describing a character from a film:
1) Becca: Chaotic, usually far too hyper for her own good, outgoing, introspective
2) Laura: Painfully honest, mature, sarcastic, great at interesting conversations
3) Weston: Overdramatic, bratty, voraciously loyal, slightly self-centered
(Guess which of these three I'm mildly irritated with at the moment. -GOD wes, I refuse to compete with an iPhone for your friendship-)

Do you have friends that are drastically different from each other?
Dear lord, I have an entire spectrum.

List a few key traits that all of your friends have in common:
None of my friends are your typical 'popular' people. They're all either rejects, or theatre dorks, or your extremely atypical popular person (in weston's case)

Do you keep in touch with friends from high school?
...well... I'll switch this to elementary school. I don't keep in touch with any of my friends from elementary school,and it kinda depresses me when I think about it cause I loved them so fucking much.

Are they mostly local or long distance?
I am actually for the first time starting to get a balance of friends around here and friends a thousand plus miles away.

When you go out with friends, what kinds of things do you do?
Usually movies, enjoying Town Center, lazer tagging, or just enjoying rock band in somebody's basement.

Have you ever been betrayed by a close friend?
Not really... I've been betrayed by someone I thought I was a friend, but we weren't that close.

If yes, are you still friends with that person?
No.

Are your friends mostly your age, younger or older?
I have a good range of kids as young as freshmen and up to a few years older.

Do you have a hard time making friends because most people bore you?
Not really. I just have problems because I'm bad at working in a friendship.

Do you like to hang out with friends one-on-one or in groups?
Depends on the friend, though with most of them I'd preffer to be in a group. Kinda distills some of their more unpleasant properties.

Which of your online friends do you have the most in common with?
My online friends are all rather different than me, but I have something in common with most of them.

FAMILY
Are you close to your family?
I'd say so, even though my parents (esp. mom) can get on my nerves severely.

What traits are you glad you inherited from them?
My dad's public speaking abilities, my mom's musical talents... put them together, you get a musical theatre actress! XD

Which traits are you pissed off you inherited from them?
My dad's temper (hardly ever blows, but when it does it's BAD), and my mom's bad eyes XD

What sitcom does your family most remind you of?
Erm... i don't know many sitcoms.

Does your family live locally or far away?
I live with my family, but come august they'll be two hours away.

Have you ever stopped speaking to someone in your family?
i stop speaking to my mom often.

Have either of your parents died?
nope

Is your family very much like you or are you opposites?
We're all pretty similar. I'm closer to my dad, and ben's closer to my mom.

How many siblings do you have?
Just my lil brother, ben.

Has your family ever thrown food at each other?
wtf? XXDD

Are the holidays a nightmare or a time of joy?
Nightmares, always. Even birthdays, mothers day, halloween... they're always chaotic.

Do you look like your parents?
People tell me I look like my dad ALL the time... but i think i'm way hotter. 1) i'm not bald. 2) ...he's bald.

List one interesting fact about your family:
I was raised Mormon. Heheh.

LOVERS
Gay, Straight, Bi-sexual or no idea?
Even though I agree with Tina on the whole label thing, I'll just say Bi to appeal to folks.

Married/partnered?
Not really.

Ever gone out with someone you were embarrassed to be seen with?
Yeah... Travis was such an awkward boyfriend. He'd try and put his arm around my waist while we walked, but he pulled me so close we kept tripping over our own feet and losing our balance.

Ever broken someones heart?
I think so.

How many serious relationships have you had?
Erm... it gets complicated what I classify as a relationship, which is a fling, which is just a super strong friendship, and... I've had four total relationships period.

Do you believe in monogamy?
Yes.

Have you ever lusted obsessively over someone you knew you couldn't have?
Yea.

Do you believe in the theory of soulmates?
Yes, I do.

Ever cheated?
How would you define cheating? I was 'dating' a girl online at the same time I dated Travis, but it only lasted a week, and I was trying to dump him the whole week.

Been cheated on?
Not really.

Thrown someones stuff out on the lawn/stairs/etc.?
Heh, not really, but the emotion was there.

Had your stuff thrown out on the lawn/stairs/etc.?
Imma good girl, nobody'd throw my things out!

FOOD AND DRINK
Non-alcoholic beverage of choice:
Orange Sunkist

Alcoholic beverage of choice:
Sparkling Red Grape Juice! -has never tasted alchohol-

Foods you crave on a regular basis:
Tostitos chips. And Sunkist.

Salsa and Chips or Pita and Hummus?
Salsa/Chips.

Meat or Tofu?
Meat. Tofu weirds me out, sorry... I just need somebody to convince me. XD

Soup or Salad?
>> I guess soup.

Soda or Juice?
Soda. XD

Can I get you anything else?
CHIPOTLE = CRACK

What's your problem?
... CHIPOTLE = CRACK XXXDDD

Favorite candy:
Starburst! Esp. tropical flavors!

Favorite food to make:
Easy mac. XXDD

Food brand that you hate?
Erm... I hate Burger King.

Do you try to buy all organic?
No... unless it says 'organic' on the label, I don't know if it's organic or not.

Favorite quick food?
CHIPOTLE.

WOULD YOU RATHER?
Eat a steak or a whole tube of toothpaste?
...actually, probably toothpaste.

Be covered in papercuts or cigarette burns?
D: uhhh... uhhhhh... cigarette burns

Be perceived as intelligent or street-smart (but not both)?
Street smart. I'd love to live life from the other side. XD

Eat a bottle cap or a spider the size of a bottle cap?
BOTTLE CAP -hates spiders-

Be ruled exclusively by your heart or your mind?
Heart.

Have the power to read minds or make anyone fall in love with you?
...Read minds, cause I would never want to control love

Chew shards of broken glass or sit on a lighted barbecue grill?
Owwww!!!! I guess the grill.

Not be able to tell the time or not know left from right?
Time.

Be able to fly or be able to render yourself invisible?
Invisible.

Eat 15 feet of aluminum foil or swallow 3 steel guitar strings?
WTF? Guitar strings?

Have questionable integrity or no sense of humor?
...questionable integrity

Always spit when you talk or always be spit on while spoken to?
Always spit. XD -selfish-

Granted the answers to any 3 questions or ability to resurrect one person?
If I could save it for later, the ability to ressurect one person.

FINAL QUESTIONS
Ever had a great song ruined for you after it was used in a commercial?
Not really

Ever yelled at an SUV?
Heh! I guess so

A Hummer?
XD i dunno...

Ever faked being sick to get out of going somewhere?
-guilty-

Horror film that freaked you out the most?
Every horror film?

Horror film that is so scary you could not be paid to watch it again:
-dittos above-

Bambi or Nemo?
Nemo, cause bambi's too sad

List 3 things that are worrying you right now:
Grade in photography... Weston PMSing... and the fact that my AP Euro History test is going to be a joke..

Are you sick of this survey yet?
Not really. XXDD

It's too fucking long, right?
It's good for wasting time in history!

Well, I'm just trying to help you pass the time!
Thank you. XD

How long have you been on LJ?
Erm... i dunno. this journal only since December

Do you find it to be a fulfilling experience?
LJ? Erm... i guessso

Describe the last dream you had:
It had something to do with my photography assignment, and the film got exposed, but then it was glowing for some reason and Ms. Hilvitz was like 'that'll turn out awesome!'

Ever brought a lawsuit against a company?
No.

Ever sang at a Karaoke bar?
I probably would. XD

What was the worst concert you ever went to?
I've been to very few concerts. XD

The best?
I went to N*SYNC as a kid. Super fun. XD

Do you think you'll ever have children if you don't already?
I hope so.

Do you think there is life on other planets?
There might be, but I don't think there's been anything here yet

Have you ever saved a dying animal?
I tried once, but it didn't work. D:

Most disgusting thing you have ever "found" in your food:
Egg shells in my eggs. ><

Have you ever broken a leg or arm?
I've never broken, sprained, or fractured anything.

Would you rather stay in the house or do things outside?
Stay inside

Do people make their own reality? Is there one true reality?
...can't think so philosophically when i'm sitting being brainwashed in history

David Letterman or Jay Leno?
Leno!

Last words?
I'm going to actually pay attention in history now. XD;;

O_O

2008-04-23T14:24:08Z

I got Juno on DVD for my birthday... 55 bucks from my grandparents (25 from dad's folks, 30 from mom's -hah they love me more!-), and a 15 buck iTunes gift card from Rian and Weston jointly. XD I also have been given the reciept for a new CoolPix camera, which should arrive at the camera store either Thursday or Friday. Expect a crazy-ass picture post when it comes! XD And it's gonna be purple. XXDD

Umm... I have the rest of this week, the week after, and the week after, and then the monday after that I have an AP test... AND THEN I AM COMPLETELY FINISHED WITH SCHOOL!!!!! HOLY FUCK. I'm kinda starting to freak out about the fact that I'm gonna be graduating. What the fuck. It feels like just yesterday I was a weeny sophomore, realizing I was bi, and then... holy fuck, here I am getting ready to GRADUATE. Oh gods.

-blinkblink-

2008-04-21T19:54:38Z

So it's my birthday. And for some reason this song is stuck in my head. It's not even entirely fitting of my mood. Okay, maybe a little bit, but I don't know how that's possible.

http://www.azlyrics.com/lyrics/tatu/showmelove.html

I'm not even lonely!!! wtf. Why is this song unable to leave my head?!?! I've tried singing [tos], SA, Wicked, RENT, bare, In These Skies, and Britney Spears, and this song keeps popping in there.

My birthday is oddly... mute for some reason. It always is at school, cause this extremely popular girl has the same birthday as me, so really only my friends notice it's my birthday.

Hopefully dinner at California Pizza Kitchen and awesome gifts from my parents will make all better. XD Of course it will, because I'm getting Juno on DVD, and that's enough to make the end of the world a little better!!!